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3/30/14

A Wounded Prayer Warrior Keeps Trekking

By Robert R. Schwarz  

               OUT OF THE DEPTHS I CALL TO YOU, LORD; LORD,
              HEAR  MY CRY !  ( PSALM 130:2 )

             FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH. ( 1 TIMOTHY 6:12 )

            BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO PERSEVERES UNDER
           TRIAL.  ( JAMES 1:12 )


          Peter Ruddy, age 54, sometimes rises at 3 a.m. and to say his morning prayers followed by a decade of the  Rosary .  Since diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in October, 2011, he says he gets by well with 4 ½ hours of sleep. Most mornings he's up at 5 a.m. , before his  two-story Cape Cod home with the large red front door is filled with the voices of sons Peter and John and daughter Clare—all high school students—and  wife Susan. The senior  Peter  then hikes a short  distance to a McDonalds for coffee with friends.  He likes to walk and at times he'll trek five or six miles. But this morning it's a quarter-mile walk to Mass at the St. James Catholic church in Arlington Heights, Illinois.  
Reading at a weekday Mass
By 7:30,  Peter is sitting in a front pew , waiting for the an altar server to ring the bell that sounds Mass.  Before Mass is over,  he'll likely have to leave his pew for a brief , roundtrip walk to the back of the church. "My MS," he says, " makes it difficult for me to stand up for any length of                                                                                                         time."
            On this particular day it is his turn as lector , and he will stand—he's  six-feet, one inch tall—at the lectern and read verses from the Old Testament and the Psalms.  One phrase from Peter and you know  he's  British- born and educated.  He articulates his words  perfectly with a resonance that brings to mind  dialogue from the televised  "Downton Abbey."  ( Though he grew up 15 miles from Shakespeare's home town , Stratford-upon-Avon,  Peter  admits he's never read one of the bard's dramas. )
            Peter will spend the rest of the day reading—he says he  reads magazines voraciously, but seldom reads a book cover to cover , unless  written by Catholic convert Graham Green—and journaling ; there will be more walking and then , at 3 p.m.  , "divine office "  prayers and more Rosary decades.   " I don't like my routine to be altered in any way, " he avers.  Much of his happiness , he says, comes  from prayer and solitude. He describes his occupational skill as a "senior buyer" for industry.         
In front of church at his first communion
in Coventry , England
  
For our hour  interview  in a study room at the local library, Peter wore a blue sweat shirt emblazoned with the Union Jack. Anyone conversing with Peter eventually  and quickly hears  humor and  irony reminiscent of the old British TV show, "Monty Python's Circus. " When relating opinions and personal anecdotes he is transparent  with matters  most people  save for a confessional booth or a boldly written memoir.  He does not  sugar coat the bad stuff nor does he hesitate to mention the  good things about himself. Like many Exodus trekkers who have been wounded because they avoided the comfort of shortcuts, Mr. Ruddy appears to be  a complicated  individual.  

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a potentially debilitating disease in
which your body's immune system eats away at the protective
sheath (myelin) that covers your nerves. Damage to myelin
causes interference in the communication between your  brain,
spinal cord and other areas of your body. This condition may
result in deterioration of the nerves themselves, a process that's
 not reversible ( By the Mayo Clinic staff ) …  More than 400,000
 people in the United States have MS. An estimated 2,500,000
 around the world have MS.   ( from a report by the Multiple Sclerosis
Foundation )


Peter was candid about  a  life  smitten with unhappiness that has left him with a  long-term disability and  current unemployment—as well  as forty pounds under his normal weight of 225.  A large piece of  unhappiness he received  three and half years ago when told that his MRI scan showed   multiple sclerosis.  " I could not walk or use my legs , "  he wrote when preparing for a retreat at St.  James. " I remember that night wanting  desperately to be angry with God...I mean, I don't  miss Mass ; I'm a lector at St. James; so  what in the hell is going on ?!  I wanted to be like Jacob [ who ] …wrestled with an  Angel  of the Lord. But I could not…Although God seemed so very distant…it turns out that he was closer to me then that at any other time in my life; he was knitting me back together in His supernatural womb." 
            Nowadays Peter says , "I  don't let my MS define me; I define it…I embrace it more as a friend than an enemy. "   He adds, however,  "when you have MS , it's like your brain is attacked by a tsunami. "

Major Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent
 feeling of sadness and loss of interest….it affects how you
 feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional
 and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal
day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if
 life isn't worth living. More than just a bout of the blues,
depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can
simply "snap out" of. (By the Mayo Clinic staff)….About 9 percent
of American adults from all walks of life suffer from some
form of depression. In fact, major depression is the leading
cause of disability for Americans between the ages of 15 and
44, according to the CDC. Understanding these very real
depression statistics helps paint a fuller picture of the
 impact of depression in America.  (Medically reviewed by
Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH for a  2014 report from  the Major
Depression Resource Center. )


In 1997 with 18-month-old Peter junior and  one-week- old John 
Peter  also talked openly about another serious wounding in his life:  major depression.   Engaging his sharp memory for historical data, Peter took us back to July , 1985, to his home in Coventry, England. "I awoke that morning knowing something was wrong.  My dad asked me what was wrong , and I said I didn't know   and proceeded to burst into tears and shake uncontrollably. ..Dr. Bindman  quickly diagnosed that I was suffering from major depression. I was off work for about three weeks.  Major depression  was a frequent visitor over the  years. " 
            Peter's  depression  would normally emerge in September or October and stay with him through April or May.  " Some years it was bearable; I wouldn't miss any time from work; other years ,  I would have to have a complete break [from work] for several weeks and occasionally a hospitalization. It was awful just trying to get through the day…It's almost impossible to do anything.  You're so far in the depth of your despair that there's no way you can get out.  If in November you want to look forward to springtime in May , you can't because you believe you will still have your depression."
            Peter remembers that  often the depression was so overwhelming  that he couldn't even pray; he   didn't want to live.  For 20 years he took medication  but it  lost its effectiveness in five or six years ,  and new meds would  have to be prescribed. 
            He reports today, however,  that  he hasn't had a bout with major depression  for two years.  His advice for people with major depression: " Take care of your diet, your health—and exercise . "   Peter also stresses the importance of seeking professional help, understanding the nature of major depression,  and having a "spiritual dimension to one's health. "
Born on a Small Irish Island
            Peter's grandparents and parents  were born on the small ( six miles long and three wide ) Clare Island  off the west coast of Ireland .  Its many  rocky outcroppings gives it a "moonscape" appearance, says Peter, who visited family members there last year .  According to Peter, the  tragic Irish  Potato Famine in 1835  eventually reduced the Island's  then  population of 5,000 to its current 350 residents, many of whom today are sheep farmers.  His parents were Catholic . "I commend both of them for passing on the faith . " Regarding his   five siblings ( three sisters and two brothers ),  Peter says, " I suppose I'm  the only one who has kept the faith.  "
            In 1948 after the World War II, the Ruddy family moved to England , where Peter went to High School  Upon graduation, he  went to work in a factory as did his father.
His father has played a major role in Peter's faith life.  While on night maneuvers in a peat bog with the Irish Army which  he  had joined at age 16,  his father  contacted pneumonia; it afflicted him for most of his life . Stricken in 1968 with double pneumonia   and tuberculosis, he was given last rites in a hospital. He went home to die but recovered. A parish priest suggested that Peter's father go to Lourdes to give thanks for his miraculous recovery. He did.
       "Once there, " Peter wrote in a memoir, " he was immersed in the holy waters daily…He returned two weeks later a changed man, a man that had been totally and utterly immersed  in God's loving care. This was the first time I experienced my spiritual Father's loving care for my earthly father, a gift that kept on giving throughout my life.  "    
            Later in England,  Peter did  office work at a Rolls Royce plant , which sent him to night school for further training.  In April of 1992 he immigrated to America at age 32 to marry Susan,  whom he had met incidentally ten years earlier on a Chicago  CTA bus in which he was riding with his two teenage cousins . When Susan, then 18,  got on the bus, she recognized the two cousins from her neighborhood and asked why they weren't in school.  When they replied they were showing the sights of Chicago to Peter,  she expressed  skepticism. Peter then  vouched for his cousins' honesty . When Susan exited the bus,  she unexpectedly  turned to Peter and asked, " What are you doing  for lunch ?" 
            With that memory now making him smile, Peter looks  across the library  table at me and says , " that just blew me away…these  Americans , I said to myself."
Honeymoon, then Egypt and Bible School
            The couple honeymooned in South Carolina for two weeks. One day Susan  saw a help-wanted ad in the New York Times  for  a logistics coordinator to work in Egypt for  a global  quasi-secret organization—as Peter describes it—called Multinational Force  and Observers . The organization consisted of  peacekeeping troops for Egypt and Israel.    Peter flew to New York City for an interview and got the job because, he says, the firm was impressed with his knowledge of it . Peter had spent hours at the Chicago Harold Washington Library  researching  the firm's operations.  
            But things just didn't work out for Peter ,  who , once on the job  in Northern Sinai for two months,  declined a directive to relocate to Israel, which he thought unsafe for Susan .   His wife now commutes from the Ruddy home to Lincolnshire, Illinois , where  she is  employed as a company resource manager.
            Back in Chicago, Peter enrolled in a four-year curriculum in Bible study at the  Chicago Catholic Scripture School  of the archdiocese . " And I've been continuing my education ever since, " he says with obvious pride .  For example, he says he's "always been very keen to understand other faith traditions.  "   He counts Muslims, Jews , and Indians among the friends he has made.  " From the Hindus I learned humility and service, and from the atheists I learned to  question things. I learned we're all brothers and sisters. "  Peter has three validated passports: British, Irish,  and American.
       A meeting  with  some monks in 1984 during a retreat in England  he claims as a life milestone.   One of his friends is a priest in England  and was best man at Peter's wedding.  " My friends told me  I had a different way of looking at the world ." When   asked to be specific ,  Peter replied by quoting what he considered the greatest compliment ever paid him :  It came from a foreign student who told him how very "eloquent"  Peter was.  And when asked what has shaped him most in life,  he replies without hesitating, " My faith and my sense of humor [which ] is very avant-garde… but it's me and it's very English. "  He would like his tombstone epitaph to be: He was a nice guy. He listened. He had compassion.  He says he does pray for more humility and compassion. 
     He also wants to complain less.  " Since my MS, I began to fall in love with myself all over again,  not in a perverted way, but in a generous way and to appreciate my faults. Although a handicap,  MS …frees me to be more humble and to be with people who interest me. I have no time for small talk. "
            He aims to fight harder  in spiritual warfare against demonic spirits. " The closer you come to the Lord, the more angry the devil becomes,  and then he brings in his best team ."   Peter is looking for a spiritual director.  Meanwhile,  he attends a faith group of men who  meet  at 6 a.m.  Saturday mornings in the church basement.  "It's one of my great bonuses, " he says. "It's been a tremendous inspiration for me to meet like-minded  people. "
            In the closing moments of our interview, Peter credited his father as a major inspiration during his own his life's journey. " He was a man with a "great sense of humor and a very compassionate heart who was prepared to get down in the trenches with you. "  There were  a few last words about his family , particularly daughter Clare .  With a twinkle in his hazel eyes , Peter said, "She's 14 going on 44 ; she keeps me young."    Then came  a final, fitting tribute to his father: " From him I got my love for children."    
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© 2014 Robert R. Schwarz