The Power of Christian Men Sharing Their Confidential Life Stories

     

By Robert R. Schwarz

People we meet in life can lead

                  us to God.  ( Gregg Hansen, a retreat leader )

                                                God knows what you need and what 

                                                is best for you. So, don't be surprised

                                                if what you prayed for is quite different

                                                from what you asked or appears even

                                                years later or never comes about.  That,

                                                too,  is His answer for what is best.

                                                ( comment from  a retreat participant )

            On a Saturday morning in March ,  nearly 60 men of various ages and occupations  sat at round tables in the basement of a church office building in Arlington Heights, Illinois.  Across the street  was the church itself, in the last phase  of reconstruction to better accommodate the more than its 10,000 members—children included—who  will  be attending  one of the  church's 11 weekly Masses .

          The men's frequent laughter and light-hearted conversation  ( about sports scores)  reflected solid fellowship but , like troops heading to the  front line, concealed anxiety about  their  weekend ahead. They were there  to share—one way or the other,  and with candid transparency—the good, the bad , and the beautiful of their life stories . They would  relate details, often  painful to share to an all-male audience, how all of it had made them better fathers, husbands, friends, and even employees.

         

The weekend retreat, labeled   CRHP  ( for Christ Renews His Parish)  , was  in its 50^th  year of successfully  transforming lives of some  men wanting—often desperately—freedom from a failing marriage, an  addiction,  or other  destructive consequence  of living an ungodly life. Every  man praised God for the radical change in his life.  A few  of the men  had been coming to this retreat for several  years. 

          The spiritual dimension of CRHP this morning   was obvious when St. James pastor Fr. Matt Foley, a former U.S. Army chaplain who served in Afghanistan,   entered and prayed for the group .  Then the men began singing     the Servant Song : 

                              We are pilgrims on a journey                            .

                             We are brothers on the  road.

                             We are here to help each other

                             Walk the mile and bear the load. 

     Several CRHP  volunteers  now rose from their chairs and walked  to a lectern and huddled shoulder-to-shoulder  around the first "brother"  to give  his "witness."   Like nearly all the men who  told their life story that day and the next, he  paused now and then to choke back tears, as did the man sitting next to me .

           The  men's life stories that weekend—a few taking a half hour to tell— told of early family life, education, employment and  struggles that created a profound  change in all dimensions of one's life.  Truth about  family death, suicide, abusive behavior, and sin was made transparent. A few comments brought  smiles of  empathy  from the audience,  like "Only faith and a personal  relationship with  Jesus  can fill that void we all have " or " If we are going to be deeply transformed, we need each other. "

       

Life stories being discussed

   After each witness, the group sang a song which the witness- giver had selected as being appropriate   to  his life story. Song titles included: The Summons.  Peace of Mind, Renewal,  My Demons, Woodstock, Right Here , Right Now, Eucharist,   Broken Things, My Old Man, Casting Crowns, and From Now  On.  

          After each witness ,  groups at each of the nine tables thoroughly discussed and "processed " it  candidly and   non-judgmentally.  Each table then had to make up an name for  their group ; one table became Sinners and  Would Be Saints. To add further  levity to the  morning's solemnity,   the men then  formed four groups and were  given free rein   to their humorous  creativity and   went to private rooms. Here they had to come up with a skit or song that was appropriate to their group name and which  they were to  perform for everyone. It turned out  to be  a needed tonic for all.  

       

A seminarian joined the  CRHP ranks

   There was a bountiful, tasteful lunch on  both Saturday and Sunday , prepared and served by  CRHP  veterans know as the "giving team " ( the attendees were the "receiving  team ) . " On Sunday after lunch the  receiving team was given  an  hour of  personal "quite" time during to read and reflected on  letters written to them by family and friends who wrote heart-felt words of encouragement and  praise for their CRHP attendance, and, of course, expressions of  love and affection.  The letters were  a joyful surprise to the men , who had been not told that the retreat leaders had arranged this tribute for them days earlier . Here is a typical letter:    

          I pray that your experience on the Men's Renewal Weekend is

just as powerful, whether it hits you during the weekend or

afterward! And I hope that you have felt the love of Christ

surround you this weekend, especially in reading these HELP

letters. They are a powerful reflection of how He extends l

love perpetually.

Your sister in Christ,

xxx

          The retreat concluded on Sunday  afternoon          with each man given an opportunity to sit in  private with a priest for Reconciliation (confession of sins) Several men went.

          A special leadership meeting was held two weeks later to plan for a  2020 retreat  to bring new members into CRHP . Likely, there will be 24 annual meetings in 2019 to reach CRHP goals and expand its   community.  "People we meet in life can lead us to God, " said CRHP lay leader Gregg Hansen, whose interview follows below.

AN INTERVIEW WITH CRHP LAY LEADER GREGG HANSEN…    

          Gregg Hansen , the 59-year-old lay leader of CRHP ,  was a U.S. Navy commander for 21 years and now is a senior emergency preparedness inspector with the U.S. Naval Reserve in Warrenville, Illinois. He and his wife have two sons and  two daughters, ages 35, 32, 29 , and 24. I took the less-than-five-minute drive from St. James to Gregg's home for this interview. My interviewee wore blue jeans, and a dark color Eddie Bauer jacket over a plaid shirt ;  he's maybe five-feet-nine or ten , has thinning blond hair, and obviously loves to explain  the  rewards to a man who experiences a CRHP weekend. 

          He had been asked three or  four times to join CRHP   before he acquiesced.  " What finally brought me to it , " he said, " was my wife and I going to a marriage encounter , which was amazing. " ( It was conducted by St. James deacon Paul Schmidt , a former U.S   Marine Corps sergeant. ) "Once  I did join , I was hooked. "  Referring  to his  naval career, he explained his past   marital problem : " As you go through marriage , it’s so easy to drift apart because you're so focused   on  what your  role is in this relationship." 

During the first 17 years of his marriage, Gregg said  their family moved nine times.  "I made a commitment  that once the kids started high school, we would settle down. " Ignoring his career eventuality of  becoming a captain , Gregg retired from the  Navy.

          Our conversation turned to challenges he sees facing CRHP. "  I think the biggest challenge is to keep  focused  on what this retreat is all about, " Gregg said. " And it's about  being there for men who have a need to become closer to God and to recognize that this retreat is God's weekend and that we're all His servants. It's one team working for the same end.  CRHP is not a social group ."  He sees  the importance , however,  of having  family activities for CRHP members , such as picnics and home-hosted dinners.  " If you know each others' families, then you'll know each other better.  But we're at the  retreat to keep building our relationship with Christ.  We're there as brothers, to support each other . "

          Gregg  dove deeper into  the transforming  power of men sharing  the dark side of their life prior  to joining CRHP .  He explained that trusting  your   all male CRHP audience won't be judgmental and will feel  compassion  for what you reveal about your life is essential to this trust.  " Because we men are so private, we're not willing to share unless we break down those barriers of trust, " Gregg said.  " You commonly hear this comment  from CRHP  men who have just heard a witness life story :  ' Boy, I thought I was the only one going through that ! ' "

          We agreed that the practice of secularized psychotherapy  is unlikely, if ever, to effect  a Christian   transformation  of  men and women as can a couple of CRHP  retreats. ( St. James has a similar retreat for women.."Very emotional," Gregg commented. )

           The concept of CRHP has slowly spread to some other Catholic  churches in the area, Gregg said , and added that St, James , if asked,  is willing to help  another church create  its own  CRHP retreat program.

          Asked what goals his team has for CRHP,  Gregg  replied , "It's to  keep it strong by encouraging  the men to stay longer in the program and  take an active role in its annual retreats. In the past, most men would stay a year or two . Some  have been in it for years."

          What makes  a leader like Gregg happy or sad ?  "My wife and family make me happy and my newly found relationship with God  and  my brothers in CRHP. All this brings one an inner peace with one' family and gives you a different  outlook  on life. " And sad ? Gregg paused before answering. "The state of the world. You almost live in fear about how focused society is becoming on the  material and  me-first side of life,   and moving away from God.  We need to be an impetus for change. "

          In closing we talked about how one  can acquire a true relationship with Jesus.  " The number one thing is prayer," he said . Smiling, he said,  "I always struggle with prayer. " He repeated words told him by  his church's  associate pastor,  Fr. Derek Ho: " Praying is just having a conversation with God " and opening your heart and mind to listening  to Him…  That changed  things completely for me." 

CRHP men just blessed by the St. James pastor

Photos  by Andrji Neczwid

The End

All comments  welcomed at

 rrschwarz7@wowway.com

© 2019  Robert R. Schwarz