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A
Report by Bob Schwarz
Not so long ago Elvin Lama was working as a video engineer at a World Series baseball game. Today he is a handyman fixing all sorts of things in suburban homes northwest of Chicago. He lives in a cheerfully decorated home (with a mortgage) enjoyed by his Dominican Republic-born wife, two daughters in grade school and a college-graduate son with hopes for medical school. Elvin is 44, and Birthzalla is 43, and they have been married 23 years. Their children are Nayrenis, 13; Nayreno, 17; and Luis, 23.
To
help pay the bills, Elvin's wife, Birthzalla, drives a school bus. When asked what makes him happy, Elvin
said," Walking into my home and seeing my kids and wife." Any worries? was a follow up question
during our recent interview: "None," he asserted. "Everything
I have
in my life has been gain."
 |
| The Lama Family |
After his death, Elvin simply wants God to know "how hard I worked." His thoughts, I surmised, went back to his childhood in the Dominican Republic and being raised by his grandfather. At age 14 he moved to Providence, Rhode Island to live with his divorced mother. He later met his wife there who, like Elvin had been born in the Dominican Republic, but had been left by her mother on the doorstep of a friend. Birthzalla was raised by this friend until the age of 13, when her birth mother, then also living in Providence, Rhode Island, summoned her to come to live with her.
One
day Elvin's mother said to her son , " My nearby friend has a daughter and
I think you two should meet, " The
daughter, of course, was Birthzalla ; she was in the seventh grade , and Elvin
in eighth grade. They met and soon were dating. Thirteen years later they
married . Elvin today agrees this was
"the amazing work of God's providence. "
Losing
Grandma Was Tough
"Losing my grandmother had to be the toughest part of my life," Elvin went on in our interview. . "Not seeing her anymore makes me sad." His grandmother would telephone him frequently from the Dominican Republic when he moved to his home in Palatine, Illinois. " I would talk to her every day on the drive home from work. She always asked 'when are you coming to see me?' , and I always answered, 'I'm coming!' But I couldn't. My wife called me one morning at 4 a.m. while I was working a World Series ball game in Kansas City to say my grandmother had died. "
for the Pope's visit to Panama.
Elvin
paused, reliving the sad emotion of that morning and the many times he told his grandmother he would be coming to
see her─ but not now. "We always
look for excuses for postponing things we shouldn't have. "
Zoom
Meeting Keeps Family United
Every Sunday at 7 p.m. the
family gathers at the television screen to watch a live zoomed, one-hour prayer
meeting with cousins and uncles in Rhode
Island, Florida, Dominican Republic and Mexico City. Elvin sets up the zoom event. The prayers─many asking for
the healing of several of the cousins and uncles─are led by a friend of Elvin in the Dominican Republic who was raised there by the Lama family.
"He's like a little brother," Elvin said. One purpose of this prayer meeting, Elvin explained, is to "strengthen
the Christian faith of some of my cousins."
Tasting one of his hot peppers
We talked about a recent zoom meeting
at which nine of these family members
attended. "We are evolving into a support group," Elvin said.
"One of us brings a problem to the meeting , like with marriage or
finances , and we all participate in solving it . At first, everyone found it difficult to start talking
about the problem. Then someone exhorts him,
' Just talk about it '. Then we all jump into the water and tackle the
problem. Then we close with prayer. It's
unbelievable! "
In Spanish, Elvin expressed his core
belief to me: " Haz bien y no mires a quien, For Me to Do Good to You, I Don't Have to See You.
" It's a common expression used in
his native country. "My grandmother used it a lot." Elvin is Catholic and
recently found a Spanish-speaking Catholic church in nearby Arlington Heights,
Illinois.
Elvin is a sturdy six-feet tall,
weighs 210 pounds, and has balding black hair. In conversation, he is outgoing,
transparent, and accommodating to any request for help. He regrets not going to college ( his wife
did for two years ). His parents believed
that a high school education was adequate to get by in
the world. He adds, "I was a
pretty smart student, but later I had to help Mom, and I had two younger
brothers. When I graduated from high school, I had to find a job. "He
later told me that not being able to attend college was the biggest
disappointment in his life.
Home Tells the Family Life Story
He and his wife walked me through their home. Two large tropical
plants greet us as we enter the living
room. Next in view is a huge
wall photograph of the New York City
skyline. The photo is dominated by the Empire
State Building, the former largest building in the world. Elvin pointed to the photo with a
broad smile. "That's our Ellis
Island, a reminder of our own immigration." Near this photo is a wood plaque with the
inscription, "The Future Belongs
to the People Who Believe in the Beauty
of Dreams." There are also several photos of the Lama children, taken by
his wife; one has the caption I Couldn't Be More Lovable If I Tried.
We walked through the kitchen. "
We cook at home”, Elvin proclaimed. Spanish
and Dominican food, rice and beans. "I'm big on sea food."
Outside we looked at a long strip of vegetables and fruits growing along the side of
the Lama home, planted by Elvin's green thumb. There was a young
peach tree, strawberries, egg plant , and several kinds
of hot pepper plants. Elvin spent several minutes talking proudly about a
fig bush there and a small fig
tree which survives winters outside.
Walking to the front of the home, I made a comment about the grammar
school and its tennis court only a few
yards away from where we stood. "We
all play a game on that court
called 'pickle', it's like tennis.
" He added, " With this
pandemic going on, I like to work out at a gym , and I ride a bicycle. Elvin's
other recreation comes from enthusiastically watching sports events on
television, especially baseball, which he played in high school.
For a moment we stood in silence on
the front lawn. I asked Elvin what his life goals were. He looked intently across the street at several stylish, middle class homes and said, "To have a bigger house. I want to move on. Nothing is
ever done for me." I know Elvin was voicing his independence. It was an
independence he had accepted but
was not
prepared for, when his father
announced on the day of Elvin's
graduation from high school: Elvin,
you're on your own now.
I turned to Elvin and said: " Elvin, I must ask you one last question: " What really has most shaped your life?
concert at the Met Life Stadium
in New York City
"Having my kids," he replied
thoughtfully. "Though I had some
negative thoughts about my parents while growing up, but now with kids of my
own, I realize how important parents
are. When you have a kid who's one- year old and he's crying and you change his
diaper and give him milk, you ask yourself who did this for me when I was like that? Having my kids was probably the wakening up
of who I really am and who I became. You
start clearing out all those cobwebs in your head. "
The End
Later this month:
Tips & Rules from
veterans of spiritual
warfare to help you
cross that finish line !
comments welcome at
rrschwarz7@wowway.com
© 2020
Robert R. Schwarz
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