By Robert R. Schwarz
The sacrament of Holy Orders marks them
[ deacons ] with an imprint …which configures
them to Christ, who made Himself the 'deacon"
or servant of all. ( Catholic
Catechism 1570 )
On a nippy February afternoon , Matthew M. Hahn , 48, could be seen fast pedaling his bicycle down Harvard Avenue . Several yards behind
him, also on bikes, were his son and two daughters who, a mile ago, Dad had met as they left grammar school.
Matt,
a slim, six-foot-one-inch former U.S. Marine Corps sergeant, wheeled his bike
into the home garage, soon followed by the kids , who, unlike their father,
were breathing a bit hard. This caravan-on-wheels
has
been a family practice for almost nine years, ever since Matt, one of five deacons at
St. James Catholic church in Arlington
Heights, Illinois, chose to become a
stay-at-home dad. His employed wife
gladly went along with the decision.
I followed them into the kitchen, where the Hahn's oldest
son, Stephen, 12, had arrived earlier
and was now seated doing homework. When Stephen's
three siblings—Isabel, 11, and
nine-year-old twins Andrew and Lucille—came in, they too geared up for
homework.
With
a haircut he called "high and tight
" and straightforward speaking with few adverbs or
adjectives, it was easy to envision Matt as the Marine sergeant he once was. He was in
blue jeans and wore a tucked out, unbuttoned blue shirt ( "my housecoat
") over a sweat shirt stenciled with " Abbott Labs " , a former
employer. " My wife would be
embarrassed if saw me being interviewed
in this," Matt confesses.
While we waited for Matt's wife, Zuleida ( " Zuly ")
to arrive, we talked about his decision
to be a stay-at-home-dad. It was all about prudent economics, he says.
Though he had been earning a $70,000 salary at nearby Abbott Laboratories and Zuly was working as a part-time pharmacist at Target, " it wasn't easy to
make ends meet, " he explains. There also was a badly needed home
addition. The problem seemed solved when
Target offered Zuly full-time
work with a $3,000 raise . But that meant
there'd be no one home to care for four
children. " At the dinner table one night, I said ' I'll stay home and you go to work . ' " Matt snaps his fingers to indicate how fast this mutual decision was made.
Zuly arrives wearing a glad-to-be-home smile. We recognize each other from Sunday mass. In
1982 she immigrated here from Cuba with
her father and mother. Zuly is 49 and
works nowadays in Mt. Prospect as an
"infusion pharmacist, "
someone who compounds medicines for home delivery. Matt met her when a woman in
his religious education class handed him Zuly's phone number, telling him,
" I think this woman and you would make a good pair. Why don't you give
her call ? " Matt did , and a week
later the two dated , then married
exactly a year later and honeymooned on the South Pacific island of Bora Bora ,
the island which inspired the
"South Pacific" show song " Bali Hai."
It was dinner time, and if Matt got his way, he'd be
cooking jambalaya. But this evening the
kids got their favorite: macaroni and cheese. " I learned to cook by baptism by fire,
" Matt says. Dinner, of course, is
preceded by family prayer.
A good part of the evening in the Hahn home is spent in
family conversation, with Matt listening carefully to the conversation of his
children and what they have experienced during the day. This, along with his reading of world affairs , is part
of the research he does for any upcoming homily.
When morning breaks, Matt wakes up Stephen at 6 up and then makes breakfast for him and the three
other children, whom he will call an
hour later. Zuly sits down to her husband-made
breakfast at 7:30. The three kids then mount their bikes and head for
school , with Dad again leading the
pack.
Later that morning, after Zuly has left for work, Matt tackles his stay-at-home chores:
cleaning, laundry, and bill paying. He
also attends to a small home-based business of "hot stamping" inscriptions
on items such as napkins and peoples'
personal Bibles . If he is "deacon of the week, "
then there might be a baptism, funeral ,
paper work for a marriage or communion to give at the Manor Care nursing home
. "Going to Manor Care," he
says, "gives me the most satisfaction.
Just to be with those people , even though some are asleep in wheelchairs, is most rewarding.
"
When asked if this family arrangement is working, Matt replies, " I think so. My
degree is in education . ( He got a B S.
degree in Occupational and Practical Arts from the University of Illinois at
Urbana-Champagne. ) , and this helps me with the kids' homework. I think I have a little more patience with
the kids than Zuly, and this helps me to be around them a lot.
"
His Decision to Become a
Deacon
The
catalyst for Matt's decision to become a deacon came from two former Baptists
who had converted to the Catholic faith and who led the RCIA class Matt attended at St. Mary's church in Buffalo
Grove. "They were spiritual and
compassionate people and they had a good
impact on me, " Matt says. " They were deacons and very good examples
of 'servants'. And I said jeepers, this is what we're suppose to do—serve
people. ' All this made a big change in my attitude and the way I looked at
people. Up to that point, maybe I was
pretty selfish and self-centered, but going through RCIA was very awakening. " Matt had already graduated from college and served seven years in the Marine Corps as a radio repairman stationed at nearby
Glenview Naval Air Station where, he says, he learned leadership and how to
"follow" .
One
of those RCIA deacons suggested that Matt
consider becoming a deacon
because he had that " service mentality. " Matt today gives most of the credit for learning discipline, not to the Corps, but to his parents. "They gave me
respect for other people. If someone in authority asked me to do something, I
would do it. "
Matt
then plunged into three years of
studying for the deaconate, much of it at St. Mary of the Lake Seminary
in Mundelein . In May of 2004, he was
ordained by Cardinal George. Explaining
what challenged him the most during his deacon training, Matt says, " I was somewhat intimidated by the
educational level of some of my classmates, some of whom were lawyers and
doctors. And I didn't think I was worthy of the
position of deacon, and I still don't think I am. "
He
sums up his faith with: "I believe in God's compassion and mercy, and so
I'm hoping that the things I do will get me and my family into
heaven. I struggle with the question
whether I'm not spending enough time with my family or my church. "
He then pauses and adds, " That's not a bad conflict to have.
" He goes to confession in his
parish three or four times a year.
Matt
will soon begin taking his children to
the monthly Holy Hour at 4 p.m. at St.
James. He says he and Zuly and the kids
are "constantly talking about
religion because it's such a big part of our lives. " He tells me that even when he and his
children are pedaling their bikes to school,
they ask each other questions like " why does God do certain things
or how should we react to this or how we should apply our faith. "
He
and 9 Siblings Raised by Conservative
Catholic Parents
Matt's
mother , who died in 2009, was a Catholic convert from her Methodist faith and
bore ten children ( one died in childbirth ). Matt's father, Jim Hahn, 88 , lives six blocks from his son in the
home Matt was raised. During many of his
63 married years, the senior Hahn made scientific instruments . " My parents were [
religiously ] conservative ," says Matt, "and the changes made by
Vatican II were pretty unsettling to them, so they catechized me at home until
my first communion. After that, they
encouraged me to go to church but they didn't require me to. I really didn't go
to church a lot until I was in the RCIA
program."
When I ask Matt what has molded him most in
life, he first studies the question. Then comes: " Watching my mother and
father being so faithful to God and the church." He quickly adds, " My wife and kids are
very good influences on me. How can you have kids and not be a good person,
because if you're not, then they're not.
" He admits , though, that in
college he was "kind of a wild kid and got into some shenanigans. " At
that, he suddenly rises from his
chair, puts on his jacket, and heads for
the door.
Excuse, me…I got to go get my kids. You can follow me if you
want. " I did—with my car."
Matt will tell
you that three things make him sad: if
he doesn't do his best; the
secularization of American society; and
people who oppose Catholic church teachings.
As for what makes him happy other than Zuly and the kids, he points to his dad.
"He is a good example for me and the kids . He comes over now and then and we just might
exchange some advice for one other."
As expected,
this deacon would like to see this on
his tombstone: He was a good servant to God, a good
husband, a good father, a good son , and a good brother.
***
I talked
with Matt's father early one morning during a weekday mass at St. James. He was sitting in the last
pew, where he always sits at every
weekday mass. Several of the weekday "regulars", including Jim, were reciting the Rosary before mass began . It
was Jim's turn now to voice the beginning words of ten "Hail Mary's. When he did , you heard a familiar
voice, that of a tall, slim deacon giving a homily , a voice loudly confident and
compassionately commanding.
Jim
mentioned a book about Vatican II ,
which his son gave him and which, he is
reading nowadays with a positive attitude about that council . He also mentioned two traits are as active today in his son as
in childhood: "one hundred per
cent honesty and
straightforwardness. " Putting down his "Magnificat " missal on our pew
bench, Jim says , "Our family was well knit ." After mass, I watch him drive away in a car with the
license plate number Mom to 10. It's a tribute, of course, to his wife, whose
car he donated to his son's seminary
after her death.
***
It is Saturday night, THE family night in
the Hahn home… On the family room floor , wrapped in blankets stitched by Zuly, lies Mom and Dad and the four children. There is popcorn and potatoes chips
The End
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