" If we don't get a handle on this , it could lead to
a civil war unless we get our hands off each other's throats .
( Social Worker Michael McGillicuddy
Let's not have any
you and me…like if you go to the
go to the right; if you go to the right,
I'll go to the left. (Abram and Lot avoiding
a conflict over grazing land for their
livestock...Genesis 13: 8)
Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing
it; right is right even if nobody is doing it.
( overheard by church member Jane Fiore)
To resolve conflicts, he says we have to
"Look at the other side and what's driving.
them. Engage them in discussion. We might
agree on the outcome but not on how to get
there. So, find some common ground."
(Major Gen. Mukoyama, a decorated veteran
of the Vietnam war)
Stop the World--I Want to Get Off , a 1962 Broadway musical that ran for 555 performances, which today could be a mantra for many of us. Today we live in wonderful country . we live with a never ending spin of unresolved conflicts in Congress , city halls , and yes, on the governing boards of many churches. Though most leaders in these arenas might know the basic skills of conflict resolution, many can't or won't find common ground to resolve them. (How sad!)
What is all this unresolved conflict doing to our country? I put this question a few years ago to licensed social worker and lecturer, Michael P. McGillicuddy and to a few other social sages. " But you know, Bob , it's getting worse not better," McGillicuddy says. "I'm not predicting this, but if we don't get a handle on all this division , it could lead to a civil war unless we get our hands off each other's throats. Too many of us have almost no tolerance for opposing views. "
McGillicuddy might have had in mind of how one conflict, as reported in the archives of the U.S. Senate during the slavery issue in 1856, was shamefully "resolved".
In May, 1856, Senator Charles Sumner, a fiery abolitionist from Massachusetts, delivered a five-hour oration in the Senate Chamber entitled “The Crime Against Kansas.” Sumner’s inflammatory speech was a harsh indictment of those who supported the spread of slavery and attacked several senators by name, including Andrew Butler of South Carolina. On May 22, 1856, Preston Brooks—a member of the House of Representatives and Senator Butler’s relative—retaliated. After the Senate had adjourned for the day, Brooks approached Sumner at his desk in the Senate Chamber and repeatedly struck him on the head with his heavy walking stick, breaking the wooden cane into pieces. Badly injured by the attack, Sumner was able to appear in the Senate only intermittently over the next three years, as he slowly recovered. His empty desk became visible evidence that legislative compromise could no longer settle the emotional and divisive issue of slavery in the territories.
 |
In a lecture outside Chicago, McGillicuddy told his audience, "There is an accelerating crisis of polarization in America today. Political events of the last two years lay to rest any pretense that our conflicts are in the tolerable range. Good people fear rejection if they let down their guard and share unscripted opinions, so we don masks to protect ourselves. Trust is eroding. Friendships are fraying. Family members walk on egg shells for fear of becoming estranged. We seem to be detaching from our common roots and retreating into parallel universes. "
Pope Francis on Nov. 12, 2022, told a Vatican audience that, "Communication must also make possible a diversity of views, while always seeking to preserve unity and truth, fighting slander , verbal violence, personalism (cult of personality) and fundamentalism, that, under the guise of being faithful to the truth, only spread division and discord ."
In her web article on conflict resolution, author Katie Shonk admonished "whether a conflict erupts at work or at home, we frequently fall back on the tendency to try to correct the other person or group’s perceptions, lecturing them about why we’re right—and they’re wrong. Deep down, we know that this conflict resolution approach usually fails to resolve the conflict and often only makes it worse."
Shonk likely would add, however, that some major conflicts in our society are necessary to promote positive growth. And it might be worth adding what the online encyclopedia Wikipedia states about conflict resolution:
Conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict and retribution . Committed group members attempt to resolve group conflicts by actively communicating information about their conflicting motives or ideologies to the rest of the group (e.g., intentions; reasons for holding certain beliefs) and by engaging in collective negotiation . Ultimately a wide range of methods and procedures for addressing conflict exist, including negotiation , mediation , mediation-arbitration, diplomacy , and creative peace-building.
What a Retired Pastor Says
The Rev. Eldor "Rick" Richter, a retired pastor who for more than fifty years resolved conflicts among church elders and councils in the Midwest, keeps it simple: "You are always going to have conflict because there will always be a majority" and a minority ", he says. Some leaders are progressive minded, others not , he maintains. "Some are often uncomfortable , if not fearful , of producing major change . " They [ who do not agree with Godly teaching]
have an unhealthy interest in controversies
and quarrels about words that result in envy,
strife, malicious… and constant friction.
(Timothy 6: 4,5 )
What causes fights and quarrels among you ?
Don't they come from your desires that battle
within you ? …You covet but you cannot get
what you want …You don't have because you
do not ask God…When you [do ] ask¸ you
do not receive because you ask with the wrong
motives. [ James 4: 1-3 ]
And from Another Pastor ...
What gives birth to conflicts and what fuels them ? Fr. Bill Zavaski , emeritus pastor of St. James Church in Arlington Heights, Illinois, blames peoples' unwillingness to dialogue with others about issues bothering them. "They may in private but not otherwise ", he says . "When they do bring it to the discussion table or a church council , they are confronted with individuals who "think they are right and the other guy is wrong. But both can't be right. Then they have to sit it out and talk about it—but often don't . Conflicted issues are not black and white but surrounded by gray. " " We always seem to find common ground, "
says a village mayor about his council members.
Thomas Hayes , mayor of the same Chicago suburb as Zavaski, points his finger at civic leaders who come to a meeting with a "personal agenda and special interests and lose sight of what's best for the community. " Asked if his village trustees look for common ground to resolve conflicts, he says, "We always seem to find that common ground. " He believes our Congress should always decide what's best for America. Hayes, a professed Christian ,believes those members of Congress who openly ask God to lead them , "unfortunately have their voices " drowned out." But America, he says, "is still a God-fearing country." In a former Exodus Trekker (exodustrekkers.blogspot.com) interview of mine, U.S.Army Major General Jim Mukoyama ( retired ) when asked where all this unresolved conflict is leading to, replied: "If we keep demonizing the opposition and don't have dialogue, it's just going to get worse." T o resolve conflicts, he says we have to "look at the other side and what's driving them . Engage them in discussion. We might agree on the outcome but not on how to get there . So, find some common ground."
Gen. Mukoyama , a highly decorated veteran of the Vietnam war and today a resident of Glenview, Illinois, is the founder and CEO of Military Outreach USA, a national faith-based , non-profit organization that helps veterans and their families recover from moral injuries of war, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD ) .Conflict ended this general's military career when he testified before a Congressional House subcommittee that the military had made a political rather than a military decision when it made risky budget cuts to the detriment of military force readiness. He went on to say that some conflicts persist for lack of courage of the participants to be transparent. Sometimes conflict resolution is "pretty cut and dry in the military , but as you go to higher levels of leadership, politics sort of takes over. We're all human." He added that the military resolves conflicts because it uses its skill of analyzing situations. "Those trying to resolve conflicts need to treat each other with respect . Yes, we can agree to disagree, but that nowadays isn't adequate. "
" But don't be so open minded that
your brains fall out." ( GK Chesterton )
In his Harvard Business Review article ( HBR.org ) , A New Way to Become More Open-Minded , Shane Snow writes: "Benjamin Franklin knew he was smart — smarter than most of his peers — but he was also intelligent enough to understand that he couldn’t be right about everything. That’s why he said that whenever he was about to make an argument, he would open with something along the lines of, 'I could be wrong, but…' Saying this put people at ease and helped them to take disagreements less personally. But it also helped him to psychologically prime himself to be open to new ideas... We need people who can be like Franklin — that is, smart and strong-willed enough to persuade people to do great things, but flexible enough to think differently, admit when they’re wrong, and adapt to dynamic conditions. "
Snow went on to write, "Unfortunately, for decades academics have argued in circles about the definition of open-mindedness, and what might make a person become less or more open-minded, in part because there’s been no reliable way to measure these things...Intellectual humility, the philosophers said, is the virtue that sits between those two excesses; it’s the willingness to change, plus the wisdom to know when you shouldn’t."
For years , the leadership development department of the world's largest volunteer service organization , Lions Clubs International (LCI) , has advised its leaders that though some conflicts cannot be resolved by traditional problem-solving methods (e.g. those which are interpersonal or very emotional ), their leaders still have the responsibility to resolve them. The difficult conflicts, LCI leadership believes, are grudges , feuds, impasses and other explosive issues between individuals. Often the leadership of a conflict naturally goes to the person trying the hardest to solve it—providing he or she remains neutral and allows the group (or groups ) to come up with their own final solutions.
LCI leaders in more than a 100 countries today apply the following principles to solve problems that could eventually lead to a conflict :
A. They encourage each group member to communicate openly and freely and even fantasize , if helpful.
B. They encourage each group member to probe and question each other's ideas and opinions.
C. They don't purposely avoid conflict , but if it exists…
D. …they avoid competition among members that might result in "winners" and "losers. "
E. As early as possible, they resolve any expected personality clashes.
F. They stay focused on the group's overall goal !
You hear but never understand;
you see but never perceive.
( The apostle Paul quoting the prophet
Isaiah …Acts 28: 26 )
The End
GOD PERFECTER
Would it not be comforting to visualize, Dear Reader, the truth that God is omnipotent , omniscient, and omnipresent. I've been thinking that He continues to create everything in the universe, from molecule to all that exists above the earth , and, besides that, HE GOVERNS EVERYTHING FROM SECOND TO SECOND WITH PERPETUAL LOVE NO MATTER WHAT WE HAVE DONE WITH THE UNLIMITED FREEDOM HE HAS GIVEN US. He governs all to perfection and allows the forever unrepentant to fall into the garbage can. Yes, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
YES, HE IS OUR FATHER!
Next Suday, Feb. 3:
"A Man Who Loved the "Least of Them" for 50 Years."
His great gift was to implement his deep religious philosophy with common
people.
comments welcome at
rrschwarz777@gmail.com
© 2022, 2023,2024 Robert R. Schwarz
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